2010....
one of my favorite years of my life.
I made so many changes. Did so much growing up. I realized finally that I am have to live for myself. I need to make myself HAPPY before I can truly make other happy. That is the hardest thing for me to do. I am still growing and changing, but its all for the better. I will be the best me at 30 and well into my 30s and beyond. Many women are afraid to hit the big 3-0, but I am really excited!
I LOST 53.8 POUNDS!!!!!!!
I changed my relationship with my mother
I became a better photographer
Built a new house!
I resigned from a job that I was bored with
I pushed myself, gained confidence and went for a job I really wanted...and got it!
I grew my relationship with both of my sisters
I gained a brother and was officiant at my sisters wedding (huge public speaking fear overcome!)
I grew my relationship with my in-law side of the family
I became closer with my entire extended family (on my dad's side)
You know, it all changed for me because of a song. I am a big lover of country music, but not the twangy, blue grass style stuff. The more modern, country. This song really hit me and makes me cry every time I hear it.
Miranda Lambert - The House That Built Me
I know they say you cant go home again.
I just had to come back one last time.
Ma'am I know you don't know me from Adam.
But these handprints on the front steps are mine.
And up those stairs, in that little back bedroom
is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar.
And I bet you didn't know under that live oak
my favorite dog is buried in the yard.
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself
if I could just come in I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
Mama cut out pictures of houses for years.
From 'Better Homes and Garden' magazines.
Plans were drawn, concrete poured,
and nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama's dream.
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could just come in I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can.
I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am.
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could walk around I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
I really can't quite explain it. Not well, anyway. I just have always felt disconnected from my family. My mom and I never got along, and I always felt like I didn't belong in my family. Really, I was just unhappy with myself. Now that I have felt true happiness with making changes in myself, I still don't have a relationship with my mom, but I do have an amazing mother-in-law that fills in more than 100% where my mom leaves off. My husbands grandparents are amazing, his Grandma shows me more love than my mom has ever begun to show me in my lifetime. Its sad if I think about it, but at the same time, it makes me realize how lucky I am. Some people never have that in life. I could sit and dwell on how bad my relationship is with my mom, but it is what it is, it will never change and I have accepted it for that.
So, I wish you all an amazing 2011. I know I am looking forward to even more amazing things happening for me! If 2010 was this great, I can't wait for what 2011 holds!
Happy New Year!
